I'm sitting as we speak at the desk that my husband (yes. husband. weird.) built for us to have. After digging out a little space from the paperwork of name change papers, bills and a mish-mash of other things, I think I may have a nice little spot for writing. I need a better chair, but this one will work for a bit.
I've got the new home-recorded sneak peak versions of the next Over the Rhine album that has yet to be recorded and it has put me in a mood for chatting with myself and the pinkish-grey version of the sky this evening.
I've often thought recently about how weird it is to have this mid-summer weather in the middle of April. I guess that's the perk of moving to a tropical region (though I pay for it in July). But Over the Rhine and the kiss of a cool breeze after a hot day has always been one of my favorites of a Wisconsin summer--only now it is marred by the sound of angry men, police sirens and the view of deteriorating houses outside my window instead of the accent of the scent of peonies wafting in my windows and the sight of lighting bugs dancing across the front lawn.
I miss home...
As you can see, New Orleans has still not completely become "home" yet to me. Some days I resent it and other days I rest in its weary arms, but we have not built up a relationship enough yet for me to truly love it here. I feel pressure to love it. But you can't force love, can you?
Marriage is interesting. There are days that I love it and days that I feel completely baffled by every aspect of it--and some days that the bafflement is the exact reason why I love it. It is not at all what my idealistic imagination had envisioned it to be. It is more work than I have ever done. I don't know why no one talked to me about this before I got married. I mean, it had to be out there. Are people really so afraid to admit the bad with the good? Yes, marriage is beautiful. It has exposed things in me that diminish me everyday to be less of Rachel and (hopefully) more of Christ...though I know on most days, I am just a really ugly version of me and not anything like Christ.
But really, why do people not talk about this? Are we really so afraid to admit that our marriages are hard? That we communicate poorly? That sex is an odd thing and nothing like it is in the movies? That we hurt each other without even knowing it and are so self-involved to even notice? That some days we would find it easier to be single?
Because the reality is that this IS reality. Marriage is not pure bliss. It is hard. It is flippin' hard.
I do love him, though, so it makes the work worth it. He is the best man I have ever known. He is the most difficult-to-understand man I have ever know, but he is also the best man I have ever known. We all knew I'd end up with someone that was a puzzle.
Anyway, in more tangible news:
School is winding down. I will be teaching 1st grade next year and will have my own classroom. It should be hard, beautiful, insane, and amazing all at the same time. I am excited and nervous.
We got the paper work for our non profit.
We are officially urban farmers. We have 4 adorable little chickens and all sorts of vegetables and flowers growing in different spaces around the yard.
I think that about sums it up for now. Leave me a little message if you find the time. I miss you all greatly. :)
Love y'all!
