I've had a knot in my stomach all day. It could either be a malfunction of my tummy after the Thanksgiving holiday or some other big stuff happening.
I went to Barnes and Noble tonight with Amanda. There aren't many people in town tonight, so we figured we would go wander. I ended up leaving with two things:
1. The next installment of my personal journals. I went the smart route this time and bought the journal that is basically just a leather cover and you can refill the notebook on the inside. In the end, this will be much cheaper and will save me the hassle of going out every year for weeks leading up to the end of my journal to find the new good one.
2. A workbook for building vocabulary. Yes. I know. I'm a complete nerd. But if I told you that I've been reading a dictionary every day to account for the fact that I crave words, then you would think that I was more of a nerd. At least this way it looks like I'm preparing for grad school or something while I sit in the coffee shop instead of just that freakish girl in the corner reading the dictionary for an hour. Plus, it quizzes you and I'll retain more of the words.
Dictionaries are my default. When reading isn't enough, but I can't write, I read the dictionary. Words are amazing and they possess so much potential. Kind of like an 8 year old. They're so developed already but they're abounding in possibility.
Words do for me what music does for me. They make the world more colorful and 3 dimensional. They evoke moods and perceptions that were previously not touched. With the right word or chord, it's like the near discovery of a new galaxy or mathematical proof.
I'm excited to crack it open and start to work in it.
After B&N, we came back, made some cocoa and watched Christmas Vacation. It's officially ok to do that now that Thanksgiving is over. I love the Christmas season...well, I love the nostalgia of the Christmas season. But I am a strict believer that one cannot do anything involving Christmas until after Thanksgiving, unlike 89% of the rest of the world now. But it's ok now and that is a relief!
Anyway, I should get some sleep. I work early.
Wow...check me out. I've written a ton in the last couple of days! Unfortunately, it's been nothing of great significance or relevance.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Never Wait
Way to go, Islands. Your song is absolutely stuck in my head. It's a good thing you write good music or I would be livid with you.
It's 9:45pm on a Thursday night and I'm lying in bed...well, I guess technically it's Thanksgiving, which accounts for the fact that I'm tired and no one is in town. But I'm in the mood just just be alone and contemplative right now anyway, so that's just fine with me.
I'm perfectly happy lying in bed right now. I took all of my bedding off of my bed before I went home and washed them at my parents house while I was there. One of my favorite things growing up was when my mom would hang my sheets on our clothes line in our yard and then I would get to crawl into these cool, fresh sheets that smelled like outside. I helped her hang them on the line like I always used to do and in order to do it, I put on my dad's huge boots to go outside because my Chucks were tied up and I was too lazy to put them on all the way. Immediately, I was thrown back to being 6 years old and playing in the clothes that blew around on the line. We would play hide and seek in them and the breezes would push the sheets against my face. Then later that night, I would lie in those sheets and sleep the best sleep that I'm sure I will ever have.
It's all part of that idea of "simple pleasures," I suppose. There are so many of them though. In light of Thanksgiving, I think I will make a list of as many that I can think of. (I have no idea why this logic would follow. I guess I am thankful for them?)
1. Sheets hung on the line and then put immediate on my bed
2. Dictionaries
3. Minor Chords
4. Hoodies
5. Cold cheeks
6. Fat Squirrels
7. Ducks
8. Veins in a leaf
9. Street lights shining through trees on foggy nights
10. Finding old notes from Erin and Carolyn from 6th grade
11. Mittens
12. Dad's hugs
13. Friends that you don't see for 2 years but nothing has changed except the world around you
14. Lindy with Jon
15. Pens that write smoothly and don't smear
16. Post it notes
17. Driving backroads on warm nights with the windows down
18. Smelling like a campfire
19. Old Spice True Sport
20. Fresh apples
21. Buttercup flowers on the side of a road
22. Dragging your hand through the water out the back of a boat
23. Weighted keys
24. The red glow of Dark rooms
25. Dissonance -- In tastes, sounds and smells
26. Thinking hard
27. Cards with the Gillen Girls
28. Tracks in the snow
29. Bear Mound Park
30. Pealing sunburned skin
31. Mandolins, banjos and an upright bass
32. The sound of shoes on a wood floor
I guess I can add to this later. I'm going to go read my dictionary for a while.
Weird? Yeah.
Welcome to me.
It's 9:45pm on a Thursday night and I'm lying in bed...well, I guess technically it's Thanksgiving, which accounts for the fact that I'm tired and no one is in town. But I'm in the mood just just be alone and contemplative right now anyway, so that's just fine with me.
I'm perfectly happy lying in bed right now. I took all of my bedding off of my bed before I went home and washed them at my parents house while I was there. One of my favorite things growing up was when my mom would hang my sheets on our clothes line in our yard and then I would get to crawl into these cool, fresh sheets that smelled like outside. I helped her hang them on the line like I always used to do and in order to do it, I put on my dad's huge boots to go outside because my Chucks were tied up and I was too lazy to put them on all the way. Immediately, I was thrown back to being 6 years old and playing in the clothes that blew around on the line. We would play hide and seek in them and the breezes would push the sheets against my face. Then later that night, I would lie in those sheets and sleep the best sleep that I'm sure I will ever have.
It's all part of that idea of "simple pleasures," I suppose. There are so many of them though. In light of Thanksgiving, I think I will make a list of as many that I can think of. (I have no idea why this logic would follow. I guess I am thankful for them?)
1. Sheets hung on the line and then put immediate on my bed
2. Dictionaries
3. Minor Chords
4. Hoodies
5. Cold cheeks
6. Fat Squirrels
7. Ducks
8. Veins in a leaf
9. Street lights shining through trees on foggy nights
10. Finding old notes from Erin and Carolyn from 6th grade
11. Mittens
12. Dad's hugs
13. Friends that you don't see for 2 years but nothing has changed except the world around you
14. Lindy with Jon
15. Pens that write smoothly and don't smear
16. Post it notes
17. Driving backroads on warm nights with the windows down
18. Smelling like a campfire
19. Old Spice True Sport
20. Fresh apples
21. Buttercup flowers on the side of a road
22. Dragging your hand through the water out the back of a boat
23. Weighted keys
24. The red glow of Dark rooms
25. Dissonance -- In tastes, sounds and smells
26. Thinking hard
27. Cards with the Gillen Girls
28. Tracks in the snow
29. Bear Mound Park
30. Pealing sunburned skin
31. Mandolins, banjos and an upright bass
32. The sound of shoes on a wood floor
I guess I can add to this later. I'm going to go read my dictionary for a while.
Weird? Yeah.
Welcome to me.
another one
So not to get down on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but I was suddenly just struck with something that I wanted to write down quick and my computer was the closest thing to me.
They had the giant white rhino float and the commentators were discussing how they were just in Africa last week with the Today show doing a special on the need for the preservation of the animal. They were so happy that the float was in the parade, raising awareness to children about the need to preserve the white rhino. Now, let me start by saying this: absolutely. We should protect our resources and the natural inhabiters of those areas, but I'd ask this question:
How come they never show the homeless guy around the corner of the parade? Shouldn't our children learn the importance of preserving humans? You never see the float depicting the child in Africa starving and taken away from their family to fight for a rebel group.
I *am* incredibly thankful that I am American and I get to celebrate the fact that I can go through life without having to think about anything but the preservation of the white rhino.
...[/sarcasm]
Sorry guys, I know that it's Thanksgiving and this should be all full of happy thoughts. And I am thankful for so many things. But this year, more than ever before, I am plagued by the fact that there is a need for redemption in the world.
On a happier note, I have never been so thankful for the people and things that I do have in my life. You are all incredibly important to me.
<3
They had the giant white rhino float and the commentators were discussing how they were just in Africa last week with the Today show doing a special on the need for the preservation of the animal. They were so happy that the float was in the parade, raising awareness to children about the need to preserve the white rhino. Now, let me start by saying this: absolutely. We should protect our resources and the natural inhabiters of those areas, but I'd ask this question:
How come they never show the homeless guy around the corner of the parade? Shouldn't our children learn the importance of preserving humans? You never see the float depicting the child in Africa starving and taken away from their family to fight for a rebel group.
I *am* incredibly thankful that I am American and I get to celebrate the fact that I can go through life without having to think about anything but the preservation of the white rhino.
...[/sarcasm]
Sorry guys, I know that it's Thanksgiving and this should be all full of happy thoughts. And I am thankful for so many things. But this year, more than ever before, I am plagued by the fact that there is a need for redemption in the world.
On a happier note, I have never been so thankful for the people and things that I do have in my life. You are all incredibly important to me.
<3
rum runners and french onion dip
i drove home yesterday to chill out at Mom and Dad's for a couple of days for the glorious turkey holiday. I have to go back tomorrow night because I have to work on Friday morning, so I wanted to get as much time at home as possible.
I gave Megan, one of the students on my team, a ride to Elkhorn and we had a good time just talking and listening to a talk from a conference (you may think that sounds awful, but to her and I, this was incredibly exciting). I got home, had some dinner with my parents, and Cari stopped by. We went to grab some coffee with Joe at White Fox.
For those of you who have never been to Burlington, this is THE thing to do. And it was surreal. I hadn't seen either them in about a year. Life was different. We were different. But we were doing the same thing that we did in high school. We were talking about what we did in middle school. And when we had met in grade school. These are those people that, though you don't talk for a year, when you finally do see each other, nothing has changed and they still know you as the girl who pretended to have a black eye during that wrestling match with that boy you had a crush on. Which, by the way, he got me back for. We talked about homecoming senior year and how many guys Amy made out with as the queen. We talked about our old scary movie nights. And we talked about how our lives had gone in completely different directions than we thought they would. Well, maybe not Joe's, who will still go out to L.A. to make movies.
I got to spend today bumming around Burlington and the surrounding area, picking my Brianna from the high school, tromping around the backyard in my dad's too-big-for-me boots in order to hang my sheets on the clothes line outside, making dinner for the family and playing cards with my sisters...and perhaps having one too many rum runners with them. We got in trouble from mom for laughing too hard and being too loud, which just made us laugh harder.
I love my family and the holidays.
I just hope I don't pass out after eating too much turkey on the drive home tomorrow. And honestly, I can't wait until Christmas when I will be home for a solid 6 days. :)
I gave Megan, one of the students on my team, a ride to Elkhorn and we had a good time just talking and listening to a talk from a conference (you may think that sounds awful, but to her and I, this was incredibly exciting). I got home, had some dinner with my parents, and Cari stopped by. We went to grab some coffee with Joe at White Fox.
For those of you who have never been to Burlington, this is THE thing to do. And it was surreal. I hadn't seen either them in about a year. Life was different. We were different. But we were doing the same thing that we did in high school. We were talking about what we did in middle school. And when we had met in grade school. These are those people that, though you don't talk for a year, when you finally do see each other, nothing has changed and they still know you as the girl who pretended to have a black eye during that wrestling match with that boy you had a crush on. Which, by the way, he got me back for. We talked about homecoming senior year and how many guys Amy made out with as the queen. We talked about our old scary movie nights. And we talked about how our lives had gone in completely different directions than we thought they would. Well, maybe not Joe's, who will still go out to L.A. to make movies.
I got to spend today bumming around Burlington and the surrounding area, picking my Brianna from the high school, tromping around the backyard in my dad's too-big-for-me boots in order to hang my sheets on the clothes line outside, making dinner for the family and playing cards with my sisters...and perhaps having one too many rum runners with them. We got in trouble from mom for laughing too hard and being too loud, which just made us laugh harder.
I love my family and the holidays.
I just hope I don't pass out after eating too much turkey on the drive home tomorrow. And honestly, I can't wait until Christmas when I will be home for a solid 6 days. :)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
lil' darlin'
I remembered tonight a funny little list I had made in my head ages ago about the silly things I wanted in a boy when I got "older."
Among them was a mandolin player and someone who called me "Darlin'." Obviously, these are quite possibly not going to be true of someone I "end up with." (I have no idea why that is in quotations...) But it was that list that ever little girl makes up. Mine just happened to be a little bit more eccentric that my other friends around the neighborhood.
Ah well...
I just got back from a pretty great night. I got off work, went for a run, and then met up with Steph for a bottle of wine before Andy and Tyler met us for the William Fitzsimmons and Slow Runner show.
It.was.awesome.
Musically, they were all so incredibly talented. Lyrically, Bearded Man was a little depressing, but it was entirely balanced out by the fact that he was hilarious in between and even during songs. Plus, getting to hang out with Steph was so great and I had a blast with Andy and Tyler, too. It was one of the best nights I've had in a while.
Things have seemed to balance out a little bit in life again. Although, whenever I say that, I know it's not completely true and that it's really just me repressing something that I feel like is balanced out. Or maybe it is balanced out and I just jumble it up when I want a little excitement. Or maybe I just push things out of the forefront of my head. Either way, stuff has simmered down now, but I know there's still something boiling beneath the surface. But this is on several accounts.
Nonetheless, I am enjoying this time of blissful ignorance.
Among them was a mandolin player and someone who called me "Darlin'." Obviously, these are quite possibly not going to be true of someone I "end up with." (I have no idea why that is in quotations...) But it was that list that ever little girl makes up. Mine just happened to be a little bit more eccentric that my other friends around the neighborhood.
Ah well...
I just got back from a pretty great night. I got off work, went for a run, and then met up with Steph for a bottle of wine before Andy and Tyler met us for the William Fitzsimmons and Slow Runner show.
It.was.awesome.
Musically, they were all so incredibly talented. Lyrically, Bearded Man was a little depressing, but it was entirely balanced out by the fact that he was hilarious in between and even during songs. Plus, getting to hang out with Steph was so great and I had a blast with Andy and Tyler, too. It was one of the best nights I've had in a while.
Things have seemed to balance out a little bit in life again. Although, whenever I say that, I know it's not completely true and that it's really just me repressing something that I feel like is balanced out. Or maybe it is balanced out and I just jumble it up when I want a little excitement. Or maybe I just push things out of the forefront of my head. Either way, stuff has simmered down now, but I know there's still something boiling beneath the surface. But this is on several accounts.
Nonetheless, I am enjoying this time of blissful ignorance.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Waking up too early...
Thanks to the prequel to one of my favorite blogs, Waking Up Too Late, I couldn't fall asleep until about 3:30am-ish and I blame Andy entirely for it!
Really, I just have a hard time falling asleep regardless. It is hard for me to get into bed and slow down enough after the days that I've had for the last few months in order to fall asleep. But oh when it happens, it is glorious time.
Lately, though, even when I can fall asleep, it's not been very good productive sleep. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm a little worried about it.
Lying in bed, though, after having read 3.5 year's worth of blog entries (I know..) my mind just started darting from worry to worry to worry. In an effort to get them out of my head, I grabbed a pen and paper and just started writing them down without even turning on a light, which made for some pretty interesting interpretations of what I actually wrote. Upon review, some of the worries were legitimate worries and some of them were simply outlandish and ridiculous.
In the process or writing them down, I actually wrote down that I was worrying about the fact that I thought I might be going crazy because I was writing things down in the dark and probably wouldn't remember doing it in the morning. But then there were those real worries...the ones about my fear that I am losing my quirkiness and creativity. The ones about the world and countries that I really don't know enough about to worry accurately about. My generation of 20-somethings who have all the potential in the world and are at risk for falling into complacency. I worried about that I'll never think as hard as I did in college about the world and never laugh as hard. I worried about the fact that it's getting colder and so many people were out on the street last night.
I mean, we're talking in a matter of minutes, all of these things flew through my head and I got so jittery that I had to get out of bed because I couldn't lie still.
This is what Matt was talking to me about last week. This is where I have to learn to live more lightly and to take things less internally. I can't solve all of these worries. I can only worry about so many things without actually going insane. And I definitely don't want to live like that. I mean, I want a realistic view, but when it's a detriment to my sleeping patterns, I draw the line. This is where the rational needs to kick in and I need to just roll with the punches, so to speak. And this is simply where I need to be silly again. Silliness, I'll say it time and again, is something I crave but it comes full circle because my silliness was powered off of my creativity and, like I said, something of that feels like it's leaving me.
Overanalyzing. It is the the thing that will diminish the most of who I am...but innately, I am an analyzer.
So. I am back to square one.
New rules for life:
1. Live lightly. Things on my scale that are often a 7 or an 8 are usually a 2 or a 3 on another person's scale.
2. Laugh more. Choose joy.
3. Watch more ducks. (Crap. They all went south.)
3b. Watch the video that I made about ducks sophomore year until spring.
4. No more coffee after 4pm.
5. Create sentences that make no sense.
6. Re-learn the washboard.
Really, I just have a hard time falling asleep regardless. It is hard for me to get into bed and slow down enough after the days that I've had for the last few months in order to fall asleep. But oh when it happens, it is glorious time.
Lately, though, even when I can fall asleep, it's not been very good productive sleep. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm a little worried about it.
Lying in bed, though, after having read 3.5 year's worth of blog entries (I know..) my mind just started darting from worry to worry to worry. In an effort to get them out of my head, I grabbed a pen and paper and just started writing them down without even turning on a light, which made for some pretty interesting interpretations of what I actually wrote. Upon review, some of the worries were legitimate worries and some of them were simply outlandish and ridiculous.
In the process or writing them down, I actually wrote down that I was worrying about the fact that I thought I might be going crazy because I was writing things down in the dark and probably wouldn't remember doing it in the morning. But then there were those real worries...the ones about my fear that I am losing my quirkiness and creativity. The ones about the world and countries that I really don't know enough about to worry accurately about. My generation of 20-somethings who have all the potential in the world and are at risk for falling into complacency. I worried about that I'll never think as hard as I did in college about the world and never laugh as hard. I worried about the fact that it's getting colder and so many people were out on the street last night.
I mean, we're talking in a matter of minutes, all of these things flew through my head and I got so jittery that I had to get out of bed because I couldn't lie still.
This is what Matt was talking to me about last week. This is where I have to learn to live more lightly and to take things less internally. I can't solve all of these worries. I can only worry about so many things without actually going insane. And I definitely don't want to live like that. I mean, I want a realistic view, but when it's a detriment to my sleeping patterns, I draw the line. This is where the rational needs to kick in and I need to just roll with the punches, so to speak. And this is simply where I need to be silly again. Silliness, I'll say it time and again, is something I crave but it comes full circle because my silliness was powered off of my creativity and, like I said, something of that feels like it's leaving me.
Overanalyzing. It is the the thing that will diminish the most of who I am...but innately, I am an analyzer.
So. I am back to square one.
New rules for life:
1. Live lightly. Things on my scale that are often a 7 or an 8 are usually a 2 or a 3 on another person's scale.
2. Laugh more. Choose joy.
3. Watch more ducks. (Crap. They all went south.)
3b. Watch the video that I made about ducks sophomore year until spring.
4. No more coffee after 4pm.
5. Create sentences that make no sense.
6. Re-learn the washboard.
Mother of Pete, that moth is HUGE!
So my roommate needed to grow a caterpillar into a moth for one of her classes. The caterpillar itself was beautiful: bright teal and huge. I had no idea what it would grow into in just a few short weeks, though while watching Silence of the Lambs on Halloween with Pete, I got a glimpse at it, as they used the same moths for that movie. But it was nothing...i mean NOTHING compared to what this thing would end up being.
She called me into the kitchen as I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth tonight before bed and asked me if I wanted to see something. "Well, sure I want to see something!" ...Only to walk into the kitchen and see the biggest freaking moth staring me in the eye with only a plastic bottle in between myself and it. Bugs do not normally freak me out at all. But the shear size of this thing's legs were enough to make me freeze up with thoughts of it crawling on my skin.
Ew. Even now, I'm grossed out. I really hope she remembers to take that thing into the lab tomorrow.
The meeting last week went well and things are really looking better. I'm headed down a long road to figuring everything out, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel, for lack of a better cliche and I'm moving towards it. The rest of my life is in complete disarray, but what's new? At least I'm learning how to handle it all differently.
Service Day is coming up a week from tonight. Our team is doing a great job putting it all together and I'm so glad that I'm learning to delegate because it's entirely less stress for me and so much better for them to be allowed to run with those roles and their own creativity toward an old task.
I'm nervous though. Not for the event really so much as I am for the same reason I get nervous before we have one of these any time: will we hit our target?
Advent Conspiracy at Blackhawk is bringing the target more into people's thoughts. My lifegroup is definitely starting to act on the itch.
But here's the kicker: I am still wondering if I am doing enough? Am I where my passion is? Sure, I love working with college students. And I love leading this team. And I love learning all of the immensely valuable things that I am learning. But where am I going? What am I doing? Am I making the impact that I know I'm capable of doing?
Is medical stuff where I'm headed? I feel more and more disconnected from that every day. The idea of working for a non-profit gets me more and more excited, even despite all of the crap I know I would end up being put through if I did that. Would I feel like I was doing enough if I were to do that--would it be denying my original passion of caring for people both physically and spiritually. Am I passionate enough about becoming more of a leader and about developing leaders?
I've always been a do-er: the one who loves getting dirty in the midst of a mess. Right now, I sort of feel like I'm sitting on the side lines while I watch friends to go to med school...apply and work for Teach for America...move to Africa with the Peace Corp (for goodness sake!)
Am I, by coaching, doing what I was intended to do?
Cripes. How many paragraphs of questions can I possibly write?
She called me into the kitchen as I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth tonight before bed and asked me if I wanted to see something. "Well, sure I want to see something!" ...Only to walk into the kitchen and see the biggest freaking moth staring me in the eye with only a plastic bottle in between myself and it. Bugs do not normally freak me out at all. But the shear size of this thing's legs were enough to make me freeze up with thoughts of it crawling on my skin.
Ew. Even now, I'm grossed out. I really hope she remembers to take that thing into the lab tomorrow.
The meeting last week went well and things are really looking better. I'm headed down a long road to figuring everything out, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel, for lack of a better cliche and I'm moving towards it. The rest of my life is in complete disarray, but what's new? At least I'm learning how to handle it all differently.
Service Day is coming up a week from tonight. Our team is doing a great job putting it all together and I'm so glad that I'm learning to delegate because it's entirely less stress for me and so much better for them to be allowed to run with those roles and their own creativity toward an old task.
I'm nervous though. Not for the event really so much as I am for the same reason I get nervous before we have one of these any time: will we hit our target?
Advent Conspiracy at Blackhawk is bringing the target more into people's thoughts. My lifegroup is definitely starting to act on the itch.
But here's the kicker: I am still wondering if I am doing enough? Am I where my passion is? Sure, I love working with college students. And I love leading this team. And I love learning all of the immensely valuable things that I am learning. But where am I going? What am I doing? Am I making the impact that I know I'm capable of doing?
Is medical stuff where I'm headed? I feel more and more disconnected from that every day. The idea of working for a non-profit gets me more and more excited, even despite all of the crap I know I would end up being put through if I did that. Would I feel like I was doing enough if I were to do that--would it be denying my original passion of caring for people both physically and spiritually. Am I passionate enough about becoming more of a leader and about developing leaders?
I've always been a do-er: the one who loves getting dirty in the midst of a mess. Right now, I sort of feel like I'm sitting on the side lines while I watch friends to go to med school...apply and work for Teach for America...move to Africa with the Peace Corp (for goodness sake!)
Am I, by coaching, doing what I was intended to do?
Cripes. How many paragraphs of questions can I possibly write?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
oh also...
The day feels different.
I attribute it to President-Elect Barack Obama.
That's all I'll really say on that.
Perhaps some sort of political post will come later.
I attribute it to President-Elect Barack Obama.
That's all I'll really say on that.
Perhaps some sort of political post will come later.
too scatter-brained to even write
Well, last week was hell.
I worked 65 hours on top of some volunteer stuff that I love doing, but still sucked a lot from me simply because of the way last week went.
This week started out fantastic--a day trip up to Devil's Lake to buy apples and hike around all day on one of the most beautiful days that we've had so far this fall--but it quickly plummeted into what seemed to be the aftershocks of last week. I wish that my emotions didn't involve my health so much. It's like every time I get incredibly stressed out, I get nauseated and can't handle what's going on because I feel sick on top of it. There's got to be some sort of trick to making that stop. At least I've figured out how to not always act on those emotions. Even if I'm feeling sick, I am learning how to step away from the situation for a bit, get my head on straight and come back to it all. I've never seen more of a discrepancy between the rational and irrational. But at least I see it, which is more than I can say for myself a couple of years ago. I'm sure I'm much more of an enjoyable person to be around now because of it.
I've now begun the thoughts of what I will do when this internship is over. Do I apply at some churches to do the same work I am currently doing? Surely Blackhawk will not be able to hire me on. Does that mean moving far away? Does that mean leaving all of my friends and family? Do I apply for a non-profit in the Madison area? There are some great ones.
I feel like I am starting at square 1. It's not necessarily bad. Just daunting.
Anyway, I have to go into a meeting that I am not necessarily looking forward to. But I think it will be ok.
...as long as I can keep my emotions from getting the better of me.
I worked 65 hours on top of some volunteer stuff that I love doing, but still sucked a lot from me simply because of the way last week went.
This week started out fantastic--a day trip up to Devil's Lake to buy apples and hike around all day on one of the most beautiful days that we've had so far this fall--but it quickly plummeted into what seemed to be the aftershocks of last week. I wish that my emotions didn't involve my health so much. It's like every time I get incredibly stressed out, I get nauseated and can't handle what's going on because I feel sick on top of it. There's got to be some sort of trick to making that stop. At least I've figured out how to not always act on those emotions. Even if I'm feeling sick, I am learning how to step away from the situation for a bit, get my head on straight and come back to it all. I've never seen more of a discrepancy between the rational and irrational. But at least I see it, which is more than I can say for myself a couple of years ago. I'm sure I'm much more of an enjoyable person to be around now because of it.
I've now begun the thoughts of what I will do when this internship is over. Do I apply at some churches to do the same work I am currently doing? Surely Blackhawk will not be able to hire me on. Does that mean moving far away? Does that mean leaving all of my friends and family? Do I apply for a non-profit in the Madison area? There are some great ones.
I feel like I am starting at square 1. It's not necessarily bad. Just daunting.
Anyway, I have to go into a meeting that I am not necessarily looking forward to. But I think it will be ok.
...as long as I can keep my emotions from getting the better of me.
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