Sometimes I forget what the breezes felt like on my long rambles in Wisconsin. More than anything else, it scares me most when I can't remember the joy of those rare southerly winds blowing wildly across the farmlands and over the hills.
Sauntering seems to not exist in this city. Aside from the safety issues of zoning out while you are walking by yourself, the city doesn't give itself to the wildness of the world like it does in Wisconsin.
We are coming home soon for a short while and when we do, I plan to take in my fill of the snow covered hills and the still quietness of the snowfalls at night. It seems like a dream, the night that 3 of us went wandering into the woods to cut down a Christmas tree, and as we did, lost each other and didn't seek to find one another. We just played alone amidst the trees and the bright darkness that comes with the moon reflecting off the snow.
How I miss the seasons changing and marking the years and time as it passes! There is nothing but the same down here. And though I know this is where I am for a while, I can't help but wonder if that part of my heart that I left with the Wisconsin land will ever return to me, for there are many beauties and wonders here also, but they seem to not replace the sanctity of the Falling leaves or the floating snowflakes or the bubbly clouds right before a storm.
Return me to that place someday, I can only pray.
...I've been reading way too much Thoreau.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The patterns in the trees
I decided to take some time to write. It's been a very long time since I've been able to just sit down and do this, but I'm taking the time to do it. I wish it hasn't been as long as it has been. I'm sure you all have had great changes within the time: it seems that everyone is popping out babies or getting married up there! I try to keep up with it a bit on Facebook, but would really love to hear what is new with all of you!
Life as a teacher in a classroom all on my own is proving to be a challenge. My class is amazing, though. I love them, though I am pretty sure that I fail to show that a good chunk of the time. There is absolutely NO time, however, to yourself when you are a teacher. I eat lunch standing up, I spend my nights writing lesson plans and tracking data that my students have produced through assessments based on standards they need to know. I develop systems that make my classroom run more smoothly. And then I redevelop those when the 1st set fails. I work at least 10-14 hour days. To say the least, it is a lifestyle...not a job.
Marriage is wonderful. We had a rough go of it for the first few months, but we seem to be hitting a stride now that we are almost 6 months in that is comfortable, yet still challenging. It's amazing to think of where we were and where we now are and I can't imagine what our relationship will be like in 25 years, God willing. :)
We were able to take a trip recently to Savannah, GA to see the lovely Delaina Paasch (some of you know her from Madison) become Delaina Hooks. It was an 11 hour drive there and back that we had to make in a 3 day weekend, which made it not quite a vacation, but the drive time left me with ample enough time to reflect and think on the things I have not been able to think on often. All through northeaster Florida and into the coastal areas of Georgia, there are reforestation projects happening. I love reforestation; not just because it's good for our environment, but because of the aesthetic beauty of the young wildwoods. As in any forest, the chaos of the trees sporadically placed is reminiscent of the beauty and power of our God. But when reforestation is looked at from multiple angles, a pattern emerges. The trees are actually planted in rows...and there is comfort in the order of the rows of trees that were planted with a purpose. Stepping back from that thought, really, all trees are planted in their place with a purpose. Nothing goes unseen by the omniscient God we serve.
It is in those forests that I so long to wander through again that I see the good and perfect plans of God. And I am comforted by the seeming disorder.
In other news, please be praying for us. We have decided to hold off on continuing with the implementation of our nonprofit for at least a year. We feel it is the wise decision for now, as we feel like we need to reassess the development process of the neighborhood. It's not like we can just plant a church, like you can in so many places. We have to invest in our neighbors more than we have and God is really challenging us right now to strive to know Him more, to know each other more and to know our neighbors more.
I am nervous to get out there and unsure of what is going to happen now.
But I guess I just need to get back to those thickets and trees...
I love you all and miss you very much. I hope you are doing well and that I will hear from you soon.
Life as a teacher in a classroom all on my own is proving to be a challenge. My class is amazing, though. I love them, though I am pretty sure that I fail to show that a good chunk of the time. There is absolutely NO time, however, to yourself when you are a teacher. I eat lunch standing up, I spend my nights writing lesson plans and tracking data that my students have produced through assessments based on standards they need to know. I develop systems that make my classroom run more smoothly. And then I redevelop those when the 1st set fails. I work at least 10-14 hour days. To say the least, it is a lifestyle...not a job.
Marriage is wonderful. We had a rough go of it for the first few months, but we seem to be hitting a stride now that we are almost 6 months in that is comfortable, yet still challenging. It's amazing to think of where we were and where we now are and I can't imagine what our relationship will be like in 25 years, God willing. :)
We were able to take a trip recently to Savannah, GA to see the lovely Delaina Paasch (some of you know her from Madison) become Delaina Hooks. It was an 11 hour drive there and back that we had to make in a 3 day weekend, which made it not quite a vacation, but the drive time left me with ample enough time to reflect and think on the things I have not been able to think on often. All through northeaster Florida and into the coastal areas of Georgia, there are reforestation projects happening. I love reforestation; not just because it's good for our environment, but because of the aesthetic beauty of the young wildwoods. As in any forest, the chaos of the trees sporadically placed is reminiscent of the beauty and power of our God. But when reforestation is looked at from multiple angles, a pattern emerges. The trees are actually planted in rows...and there is comfort in the order of the rows of trees that were planted with a purpose. Stepping back from that thought, really, all trees are planted in their place with a purpose. Nothing goes unseen by the omniscient God we serve.
It is in those forests that I so long to wander through again that I see the good and perfect plans of God. And I am comforted by the seeming disorder.
In other news, please be praying for us. We have decided to hold off on continuing with the implementation of our nonprofit for at least a year. We feel it is the wise decision for now, as we feel like we need to reassess the development process of the neighborhood. It's not like we can just plant a church, like you can in so many places. We have to invest in our neighbors more than we have and God is really challenging us right now to strive to know Him more, to know each other more and to know our neighbors more.
I am nervous to get out there and unsure of what is going to happen now.
But I guess I just need to get back to those thickets and trees...
I love you all and miss you very much. I hope you are doing well and that I will hear from you soon.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
whoa been a while
It has been a busy summer. The day I got out of work for the summer, I also started summer institute for TeachNOLA. I will be starting in just 2 weeks as an official 1st grade teacher with my own classroom. I want to say that I feel ready for this, but when push comes to shove, I can't believe that they're putting me in charge of a classroom. I guess we'll see what happens.
I was digging through some ollllld photos tonight. Pictures from the Garf and the summer after graduation. Pictures of old lifegroups and my internship at Blackhawk. Pictures from Brewers games and weddings. Pictures from running through the Arboretum in winter, spring, summer and fall.
We will be returning to Wisconsin in just a couple of days for a little vacation before I start school. I feel like every time I go back, I go back to a different world. People have gotten married. People have had babies. People have moved away. I sometimes pine for the old life...for those days that used to be so easy. I miss friends who were always there to piss you off and support you. I miss chilling at the Terrace and on the porch. I miss runs to Trader Joe's and playing pranks on Becca in the office. I miss a lot. Sometimes, I miss it so much that it actually physically hurts.
But there's no way to go back. My life is not what it was. And even if there was a way to go back, I'm sure it wouldn't be better. I wanted to get away, remember? I wanted my life to be uncomfortable.
Well, I got that wish. Don't get me wrong, the life I have down here is very fulfilling. But sometimes I long for the ease of those days.
In Wisconsin, I was Rae. I knew everyone. I did everything.
In New Orleans, I am Rachel. I am married. I have a real career.
What the heck happened???
In a year, I made every huge transition possible. I am not sorry. I am still, however, a bit overwhelmed.
I was digging through some ollllld photos tonight. Pictures from the Garf and the summer after graduation. Pictures of old lifegroups and my internship at Blackhawk. Pictures from Brewers games and weddings. Pictures from running through the Arboretum in winter, spring, summer and fall.
We will be returning to Wisconsin in just a couple of days for a little vacation before I start school. I feel like every time I go back, I go back to a different world. People have gotten married. People have had babies. People have moved away. I sometimes pine for the old life...for those days that used to be so easy. I miss friends who were always there to piss you off and support you. I miss chilling at the Terrace and on the porch. I miss runs to Trader Joe's and playing pranks on Becca in the office. I miss a lot. Sometimes, I miss it so much that it actually physically hurts.
But there's no way to go back. My life is not what it was. And even if there was a way to go back, I'm sure it wouldn't be better. I wanted to get away, remember? I wanted my life to be uncomfortable.
Well, I got that wish. Don't get me wrong, the life I have down here is very fulfilling. But sometimes I long for the ease of those days.
In Wisconsin, I was Rae. I knew everyone. I did everything.
In New Orleans, I am Rachel. I am married. I have a real career.
What the heck happened???
In a year, I made every huge transition possible. I am not sorry. I am still, however, a bit overwhelmed.
Monday, April 26, 2010
New Sounds New Trials
I'm sitting as we speak at the desk that my husband (yes. husband. weird.) built for us to have. After digging out a little space from the paperwork of name change papers, bills and a mish-mash of other things, I think I may have a nice little spot for writing. I need a better chair, but this one will work for a bit.
I've got the new home-recorded sneak peak versions of the next Over the Rhine album that has yet to be recorded and it has put me in a mood for chatting with myself and the pinkish-grey version of the sky this evening.
I've often thought recently about how weird it is to have this mid-summer weather in the middle of April. I guess that's the perk of moving to a tropical region (though I pay for it in July). But Over the Rhine and the kiss of a cool breeze after a hot day has always been one of my favorites of a Wisconsin summer--only now it is marred by the sound of angry men, police sirens and the view of deteriorating houses outside my window instead of the accent of the scent of peonies wafting in my windows and the sight of lighting bugs dancing across the front lawn.
I miss home...
As you can see, New Orleans has still not completely become "home" yet to me. Some days I resent it and other days I rest in its weary arms, but we have not built up a relationship enough yet for me to truly love it here. I feel pressure to love it. But you can't force love, can you?
Marriage is interesting. There are days that I love it and days that I feel completely baffled by every aspect of it--and some days that the bafflement is the exact reason why I love it. It is not at all what my idealistic imagination had envisioned it to be. It is more work than I have ever done. I don't know why no one talked to me about this before I got married. I mean, it had to be out there. Are people really so afraid to admit the bad with the good? Yes, marriage is beautiful. It has exposed things in me that diminish me everyday to be less of Rachel and (hopefully) more of Christ...though I know on most days, I am just a really ugly version of me and not anything like Christ.
But really, why do people not talk about this? Are we really so afraid to admit that our marriages are hard? That we communicate poorly? That sex is an odd thing and nothing like it is in the movies? That we hurt each other without even knowing it and are so self-involved to even notice? That some days we would find it easier to be single?
Because the reality is that this IS reality. Marriage is not pure bliss. It is hard. It is flippin' hard.
I do love him, though, so it makes the work worth it. He is the best man I have ever known. He is the most difficult-to-understand man I have ever know, but he is also the best man I have ever known. We all knew I'd end up with someone that was a puzzle.
Anyway, in more tangible news:
School is winding down. I will be teaching 1st grade next year and will have my own classroom. It should be hard, beautiful, insane, and amazing all at the same time. I am excited and nervous.
We got the paper work for our non profit.
We are officially urban farmers. We have 4 adorable little chickens and all sorts of vegetables and flowers growing in different spaces around the yard.
I think that about sums it up for now. Leave me a little message if you find the time. I miss you all greatly. :)
Love y'all!
I've got the new home-recorded sneak peak versions of the next Over the Rhine album that has yet to be recorded and it has put me in a mood for chatting with myself and the pinkish-grey version of the sky this evening.
I've often thought recently about how weird it is to have this mid-summer weather in the middle of April. I guess that's the perk of moving to a tropical region (though I pay for it in July). But Over the Rhine and the kiss of a cool breeze after a hot day has always been one of my favorites of a Wisconsin summer--only now it is marred by the sound of angry men, police sirens and the view of deteriorating houses outside my window instead of the accent of the scent of peonies wafting in my windows and the sight of lighting bugs dancing across the front lawn.
I miss home...
As you can see, New Orleans has still not completely become "home" yet to me. Some days I resent it and other days I rest in its weary arms, but we have not built up a relationship enough yet for me to truly love it here. I feel pressure to love it. But you can't force love, can you?
Marriage is interesting. There are days that I love it and days that I feel completely baffled by every aspect of it--and some days that the bafflement is the exact reason why I love it. It is not at all what my idealistic imagination had envisioned it to be. It is more work than I have ever done. I don't know why no one talked to me about this before I got married. I mean, it had to be out there. Are people really so afraid to admit the bad with the good? Yes, marriage is beautiful. It has exposed things in me that diminish me everyday to be less of Rachel and (hopefully) more of Christ...though I know on most days, I am just a really ugly version of me and not anything like Christ.
But really, why do people not talk about this? Are we really so afraid to admit that our marriages are hard? That we communicate poorly? That sex is an odd thing and nothing like it is in the movies? That we hurt each other without even knowing it and are so self-involved to even notice? That some days we would find it easier to be single?
Because the reality is that this IS reality. Marriage is not pure bliss. It is hard. It is flippin' hard.
I do love him, though, so it makes the work worth it. He is the best man I have ever known. He is the most difficult-to-understand man I have ever know, but he is also the best man I have ever known. We all knew I'd end up with someone that was a puzzle.
Anyway, in more tangible news:
School is winding down. I will be teaching 1st grade next year and will have my own classroom. It should be hard, beautiful, insane, and amazing all at the same time. I am excited and nervous.
We got the paper work for our non profit.
We are officially urban farmers. We have 4 adorable little chickens and all sorts of vegetables and flowers growing in different spaces around the yard.
I think that about sums it up for now. Leave me a little message if you find the time. I miss you all greatly. :)
Love y'all!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
:)
And we're married :)
Thank you to everyone to came down, who sent cards and letters and emails, who made phone calls and who helped make our day incredibly special.
We're off to relax in Asheville, NC for a few days.
:)
I'll write a better update when we are back. Hopefully with some pictures!
Thank you to everyone to came down, who sent cards and letters and emails, who made phone calls and who helped make our day incredibly special.
We're off to relax in Asheville, NC for a few days.
:)
I'll write a better update when we are back. Hopefully with some pictures!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Just like the Hydrangeas
Hello friends,
Again, it's been a while. You will have to excuse my tardiness of my updates. As I'm sure you all can guess, life has been insane. Michael and I are officially down to 18 days until we will be Mr. and Mrs. Wong. Go ahead. Laugh. My name will be Rae Wong. Say it 4 times fast...bet you can't do it! We've gotten a good number of laughs out of that new name, but I am very excited to obtain it.
In the midst of wedding-madness, I got into a teaching certification program, so that's made life extra interesting. Life in the church plant business is picking up, as we prepare to do our hard launch as Harbor Community Church. Systems are taking form and teams are being built. It's a good thing and exhausting to know what work goes into building a healthy church. All of you who are in an established church, BE THANKFUL. You will never know how it happens until you see it happens. You can hear the stories and see the ramifications of early decisions, but you will never know the toil and work that goes into building it until you do it.
As for me personally, I am overwhelmed with transition. Seems to be the story of my life lately. While it's a good thing, I find that I lose hope easily, which is hard for me to admit. Tonight, I am discouraged (though somewhere deep in me knows that joy will come in the morning.)
Let me try to relate this...
A previous roommate and friend of Michael had a dog named Abita. This past Fall, excited for the ability to grow flowers in November and December, I purchased a bunch of pre-established flowers from a gardening organization in the city that was practically giving them away. I purchased 4 hydrangea plants, beautiful in color, and hurried home to plant them in bigger pots to get them started. Abita, though a wonderfully dog, did not know that she should not eat my lovely new hydrangeas. And ate she did. The barely formed new plants were snapped off here and there, gnarled from her teeth. I thought that they were done for, but Michael convinced me to hold onto them, as he thought they would bloom again.
So I waited for their inevitable death.
A few weeks later, I noticed buds starting to come off of their still mangled branches.
The next night, we had a hard freeze, which is pretty rare for the tropical climate of New Orleans.
Surely the brown, withered leaves were tell-tale signs that these plants were done for.
Again, Michael convinced me to hold on a bit longer.
And then, this past weekend, I walked past my hydrangeas... And they were full of new buds and leaves. Sprouts of color were popping out on even the mangled branches. A new hope filled me. Those branches would see beautiful blooms yet!
It wasn't until tonight that I realized the likeness between the hydrangeas and myself.
Since I have arrived in New Orleans, I have felt like it has been one thing after the next, making me give a bit of myself up. A snapping of a twig here, a bite off a leaf there. Little by little, I have given up my creativity. I have given up my time. I have given up the things that allowed me to worship fully.
The eaten hydrangea. The frozen hydrangea.
And then tonight, whilst in the middle of a breakdown that resulted in a discussion with Michael about the possibility of having to give up the one last thing that connects me to my old self, playing music, I realized how wrong I have been all along and the perspective that I have viewed the hydrangea from.
Since I have arrived in New Orleans, it has felt like a constant battle to not give up who I am. The transition to a full time job. The transition to a boyfriend to a fiance to a husband. The transition to a church plant. It has all left me with the remnants of what was once, sure, a lovely little flower. But through the work of the Gospel and the promise that He works for the good of those who love Him, we are assured that the eaten and frozen hydrangea will once again grow. But not only will it grow. It will flourish. Through the mystery of the resurrection and the promise that those who lose their life will gain it, I will live life more abundantly than anything I could have imagined.
Though I do not feel like myself right now, what good was myself? What good was what I knew of myself? What does it matter...when the life I lead is not my own, but the taking up of a cross.
Through the brokenness comes restoration and through that restoration comes the hope of a good and fruitful life that will be more than my creativity or ingenuity or time could have ever produced.
But that doesn't mean I won't suffer growing pains to get there. It just means that I will need to learn to be joyful in the affliction of the freeze and the pruning by the dog.
Again, it's been a while. You will have to excuse my tardiness of my updates. As I'm sure you all can guess, life has been insane. Michael and I are officially down to 18 days until we will be Mr. and Mrs. Wong. Go ahead. Laugh. My name will be Rae Wong. Say it 4 times fast...bet you can't do it! We've gotten a good number of laughs out of that new name, but I am very excited to obtain it.
In the midst of wedding-madness, I got into a teaching certification program, so that's made life extra interesting. Life in the church plant business is picking up, as we prepare to do our hard launch as Harbor Community Church. Systems are taking form and teams are being built. It's a good thing and exhausting to know what work goes into building a healthy church. All of you who are in an established church, BE THANKFUL. You will never know how it happens until you see it happens. You can hear the stories and see the ramifications of early decisions, but you will never know the toil and work that goes into building it until you do it.
As for me personally, I am overwhelmed with transition. Seems to be the story of my life lately. While it's a good thing, I find that I lose hope easily, which is hard for me to admit. Tonight, I am discouraged (though somewhere deep in me knows that joy will come in the morning.)
Let me try to relate this...
A previous roommate and friend of Michael had a dog named Abita. This past Fall, excited for the ability to grow flowers in November and December, I purchased a bunch of pre-established flowers from a gardening organization in the city that was practically giving them away. I purchased 4 hydrangea plants, beautiful in color, and hurried home to plant them in bigger pots to get them started. Abita, though a wonderfully dog, did not know that she should not eat my lovely new hydrangeas. And ate she did. The barely formed new plants were snapped off here and there, gnarled from her teeth. I thought that they were done for, but Michael convinced me to hold onto them, as he thought they would bloom again.
So I waited for their inevitable death.
A few weeks later, I noticed buds starting to come off of their still mangled branches.
The next night, we had a hard freeze, which is pretty rare for the tropical climate of New Orleans.
Surely the brown, withered leaves were tell-tale signs that these plants were done for.
Again, Michael convinced me to hold on a bit longer.
And then, this past weekend, I walked past my hydrangeas... And they were full of new buds and leaves. Sprouts of color were popping out on even the mangled branches. A new hope filled me. Those branches would see beautiful blooms yet!
It wasn't until tonight that I realized the likeness between the hydrangeas and myself.
Since I have arrived in New Orleans, I have felt like it has been one thing after the next, making me give a bit of myself up. A snapping of a twig here, a bite off a leaf there. Little by little, I have given up my creativity. I have given up my time. I have given up the things that allowed me to worship fully.
The eaten hydrangea. The frozen hydrangea.
And then tonight, whilst in the middle of a breakdown that resulted in a discussion with Michael about the possibility of having to give up the one last thing that connects me to my old self, playing music, I realized how wrong I have been all along and the perspective that I have viewed the hydrangea from.
Since I have arrived in New Orleans, it has felt like a constant battle to not give up who I am. The transition to a full time job. The transition to a boyfriend to a fiance to a husband. The transition to a church plant. It has all left me with the remnants of what was once, sure, a lovely little flower. But through the work of the Gospel and the promise that He works for the good of those who love Him, we are assured that the eaten and frozen hydrangea will once again grow. But not only will it grow. It will flourish. Through the mystery of the resurrection and the promise that those who lose their life will gain it, I will live life more abundantly than anything I could have imagined.
Though I do not feel like myself right now, what good was myself? What good was what I knew of myself? What does it matter...when the life I lead is not my own, but the taking up of a cross.
Through the brokenness comes restoration and through that restoration comes the hope of a good and fruitful life that will be more than my creativity or ingenuity or time could have ever produced.
But that doesn't mean I won't suffer growing pains to get there. It just means that I will need to learn to be joyful in the affliction of the freeze and the pruning by the dog.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
WHO DAT NATION!!
Hello, Old friends!
It's been an incredibly long time since I was able to write. Here is a newsletter that I just wrote for RefugeNOLA. More to come soon. And pictures!
For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet, until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch. The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is In Her, and our land, Married; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married. Isaiah 62:1-4
Hours before the Saints won the division championship game, sealing their spot in the Superbowl, I was able to participate in my first Second Line. (For those of you who don’t know, a “Second Line is a tradition in brass band parades. The "main line" is the main section of the parade, or the members of the actual club with the parading permit; those who follow the band just to enjoy the music are called the "second line."—Thank you Wikipedia!)
The experience left Michael, Dan and I with a newfound love for this city. All of the elements of New Orleans culture combined into one migrating city block—dancing, brass bands, gold and black, and apparently, Heineken beer. For me, being there FINALLY gave me a glimpse of my capacity to love this city. Prior to this experience, I had a hard time really finding anything good about this city that was worth fighting for, aside from a very non-personal conviction to be here. But something struck a chord deep within me while I marveled at the smells of bbq’ed chicken, saw the incredible dancing, and watched grown men climb up stop lights on one of the busiest streets in the city. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grows 3 sizes too big. Where else would one ever find this kind of celebration (for something that hadn’t even happened yet…)
I knew that this was not something to be taken lightly. After 8 months of living in this foreignness, I finally felt a draw to the city I am living in now. I finally felt the desire to fight for it and not just nonchalantly care for it. I had been praying for this desire for months, and now it stared me in the face.
destruction and devastation. In what other city do people dance in the street and celebrate for any given reason. No where in the world is like New Orleans in this respect—and the way that Scripture describes what our heaven on earth will be like is very similar to the way people celebrate here; it will just be without all of the bad.
My heart explodes with excitement to see God work in this city. My joy is overwhelming when I see one of my kindergarteners truly grasp a concept at school that makes them proud of their ability to learn, despite a failing school system that tells them that they will never amount to anything. My happiness is indescribable when I see Michael take a couple of kids fishing, which leads to their uncle coming by to talk to us one day, opening up other opportunities in the neighborhood to have an impact.
This life that we live is not our own. And this City that we want to see built on our Earth is within reach. We are hopeful and we know that day is coming when He will return and we will all be second lining in the street.
It's been an incredibly long time since I was able to write. Here is a newsletter that I just wrote for RefugeNOLA. More to come soon. And pictures!
For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet, until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch. The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is In Her, and our land, Married; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married. Isaiah 62:1-4
Hours before the Saints won the division championship game, sealing their spot in the Superbowl, I was able to participate in my first Second Line. (For those of you who don’t know, a “Second Line is a tradition in brass band parades. The "main line" is the main section of the parade, or the members of the actual club with the parading permit; those who follow the band just to enjoy the music are called the "second line."—Thank you Wikipedia!)
The experience left Michael, Dan and I with a newfound love for this city. All of the elements of New Orleans culture combined into one migrating city block—dancing, brass bands, gold and black, and apparently, Heineken beer. For me, being there FINALLY gave me a glimpse of my capacity to love this city. Prior to this experience, I had a hard time really finding anything good about this city that was worth fighting for, aside from a very non-personal conviction to be here. But something struck a chord deep within me while I marveled at the smells of bbq’ed chicken, saw the incredible dancing, and watched grown men climb up stop lights on one of the busiest streets in the city. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grows 3 sizes too big. Where else would one ever find this kind of celebration (for something that hadn’t even happened yet…)
I knew that this was not something to be taken lightly. After 8 months of living in this foreignness, I finally felt a draw to the city I am living in now. I finally felt the desire to fight for it and not just nonchalantly care for it. I had been praying for this desire for months, and now it stared me in the face.
destruction and devastation. In what other city do people dance in the street and celebrate for any given reason. No where in the world is like New Orleans in this respect—and the way that Scripture describes what our heaven on earth will be like is very similar to the way people celebrate here; it will just be without all of the bad.
My heart explodes with excitement to see God work in this city. My joy is overwhelming when I see one of my kindergarteners truly grasp a concept at school that makes them proud of their ability to learn, despite a failing school system that tells them that they will never amount to anything. My happiness is indescribable when I see Michael take a couple of kids fishing, which leads to their uncle coming by to talk to us one day, opening up other opportunities in the neighborhood to have an impact.
This life that we live is not our own. And this City that we want to see built on our Earth is within reach. We are hopeful and we know that day is coming when He will return and we will all be second lining in the street.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Redefining Beauty
Update Sprint
In case you haven't yet heard, Michael Wong has asked me to be his wife and I have accepted. We will be married on March 20, 2010 and are busy planning the wedding!
Michael started a new full time position at a bank as a special projects manager, as well as a few other things there, that no one else knows how to do. (I have somehow found someone to marry who is even more inquisitive than I am...)
School is going ok for me. The kindergartners are learning a ton and it's amazing to see these little people forming! It has been very tough the last few weeks, but I am constantly growing and refining and am very fortunate to work on the staff that I do. I will soon be applying for teaching programs so that I can get certified.
I have been working to help develop new and effective systems at our church with my roommate and maid of honor, Lori. We are very excited about starting to implement and I have discovered that I have a real passion for healthy church systems! (Wait for the phone call, Nancy Lindroth!)
RefugeNOLA, the non-profit (501-C3) that we are trying to give legs helped to pull off a rather large event in Central City for Halloween. (More in this update following, as well as a newsletter that will come soon to all of you!)
Please pray for...
Please pray for me, as I am feeling stretched especially thin lately. Pray that I would learn to set good boundaries for myself and for my future husband (whoa, that sounds weird!) Also, please pray that the people that are feeling snubbed by me would no feel hurt and that I would be able to find the time to make them feel loved and appreciated.
Pray for all of the things I mentioned above!
Pray that true community would develop with our church, that we would be able to come together to bring impact to other parts of the city--God is doing something at Sojourn Lakeview Baptist Church (soon to be Harbor Community Church) and we are very excited about it. Pray that the leadership would continue to seek after the heart of God in all matters and that they would make decisions that will bring about community and love.
Sit down and rest a while
Well, the weather in New Orleans has finally taken a turn for the better. October brought us some still humid temperatures, but for the most part, the season of "Fall" settled in about halfway through the month, and there was a sigh of relief that was heard around the whole city.
I heard birds chirp for the first time since I'd been down here.
I thought I saw a tree near my school start to change colors. (Ironically, I was then informed that it was actually a flower that blooms in the tree in the Fall...)
It has been no Wisconsin Fall, but nonetheless, I have found some amount of Beauty in it.
The beginning of October was hard. As the month set, tension just seemed to build. My disdain and selfishness against this city kicked in and I began to become discontented in regards to the physical location that I now found myself. I have spent the last month trying to figure out why and I believe that my questions have finally been answered:
Solitude.
In this city, there seems to be no solitude. Sure, there are times that I find myself alone, but never times when I feel really alone. You know, that feeling when you are standing in the middle of the woods at down on a rock, feeling the sun warm your face as it shows itself at the dawn. The feeling of walking down a train with all of the colored leaves of the Wisconsin Fall around you, crunching under your feet. Standing on a hill that looks out over a lake.
In New Orleans, there are no woods. There are no large rocks. There is no Fall. There are no crunching leaves. And there definitely isn't a hill that looks over a lake unless you go to the levees, which are brown and dull looking.
Solitude is where I find beauty. Because solitude is when I commune with God best. It is my respite. Believe it or not, I think I have become more of an introvert since I've been down here. I hear that is what working in a school will do to you.
Either way, there is a deep connection between God, solitude and my ability to see beauty.
But I'm coming to realize that I may have something backwards. Since solitude is so hard to come by now, perhaps I need to redefine beauty, if that is when I commune with God best. Or maybe when I commune with God best, I see beauty more.
I guess I don't have it all figured out yet.
But something tells me that I need to redefine beauty.
Sure, there is something to be said for the typical beauty of the Wisconsin Fall. For the solitude of the trails. For the hills and the trees. It is creation...How do you not find God in that?
But I'm guessing that He wants me to start being a bit more creative like He is... Being a bit more imaginative, if you will.
Plato said in Symposium:
"Remember how in that communion only, beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, he will be enabled to bring forth, not images of beauty, but realities (for he has hold not of an image but of a reality), and bringing forth and nourishing true virtue to become the friend of God and be immortal, if mortal man may."
Or, rather...
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
This past weekend, we (RefugeNOLA.org) and a slew of other partners hosted a block party-type event for Halloween in Central City and were floored by what God did with it. In a neighborhood full of broken homes and broken relationships, teenage parents and rampant drug use, we saw a community come together. The event was just a simple block party that enabled kids in the neighborhood to trick-or-treat with the reassurance of safety, as we organized houses and games, even giving houses candy that couldn't afford to buy it.
We expected to see kids out and about, running around, getting candy, but as 5pm came and went, we got a little worried that they weren't going to come. And then, as the sun slowly went down, they came out...but not just the kids. Their parents, with strollers and trick-or-treat bags in tow, were out with them. Teenage fathers with their kids on their shoulders bobbed for apples.
My favorite story of the night:
A mother was trying to do our reverse bobbing for apples game (reverse bobbing for apples is when you hang an apple from a string and you have to try to bite off the apple in the air). She was having a heck of a time and her kids were all joking with her about it. Her cellphone rang and the typical language that you hear in the neighborhood came out as she described to her friend across the phoneline what she was doing: "I'm trying to get the damn apple off the stick!!" I can only imagine what her friend thought, but I laughed so hard at that, I didn't know what to do with it! Even more, striking, though, was that the mother kept trying and soon, her daughter chided that she could do it better. So teenage daughter gave the apple a go...and still failed. Soon, mother and daughter were attacking the apple together, one on each side, and were, eventually, successful!
It was such a normal thing to see...if you weren't in Central City. It was something my mom and I would do.
I have yet to figure out whether that fact reminds me of my own brokenness or whether it reminds me that these broken relationships still have a way to be redeemed. I'm sure that it's both.
But isn't that the real reality of beauty? Something that reminds us of how small we are, but at the same time, gives us hope?
And so, I am being made to be more creative. I am being made to be more imaginative.
I am being made to be more like Christ--finding the ability to see value and beauty in everything that He has created.
In case you haven't yet heard, Michael Wong has asked me to be his wife and I have accepted. We will be married on March 20, 2010 and are busy planning the wedding!
Michael started a new full time position at a bank as a special projects manager, as well as a few other things there, that no one else knows how to do. (I have somehow found someone to marry who is even more inquisitive than I am...)
School is going ok for me. The kindergartners are learning a ton and it's amazing to see these little people forming! It has been very tough the last few weeks, but I am constantly growing and refining and am very fortunate to work on the staff that I do. I will soon be applying for teaching programs so that I can get certified.
I have been working to help develop new and effective systems at our church with my roommate and maid of honor, Lori. We are very excited about starting to implement and I have discovered that I have a real passion for healthy church systems! (Wait for the phone call, Nancy Lindroth!)
RefugeNOLA, the non-profit (501-C3) that we are trying to give legs helped to pull off a rather large event in Central City for Halloween. (More in this update following, as well as a newsletter that will come soon to all of you!)
Please pray for...
Please pray for me, as I am feeling stretched especially thin lately. Pray that I would learn to set good boundaries for myself and for my future husband (whoa, that sounds weird!) Also, please pray that the people that are feeling snubbed by me would no feel hurt and that I would be able to find the time to make them feel loved and appreciated.
Pray for all of the things I mentioned above!
Pray that true community would develop with our church, that we would be able to come together to bring impact to other parts of the city--God is doing something at Sojourn Lakeview Baptist Church (soon to be Harbor Community Church) and we are very excited about it. Pray that the leadership would continue to seek after the heart of God in all matters and that they would make decisions that will bring about community and love.
Sit down and rest a while
Well, the weather in New Orleans has finally taken a turn for the better. October brought us some still humid temperatures, but for the most part, the season of "Fall" settled in about halfway through the month, and there was a sigh of relief that was heard around the whole city.
I heard birds chirp for the first time since I'd been down here.
I thought I saw a tree near my school start to change colors. (Ironically, I was then informed that it was actually a flower that blooms in the tree in the Fall...)
It has been no Wisconsin Fall, but nonetheless, I have found some amount of Beauty in it.
The beginning of October was hard. As the month set, tension just seemed to build. My disdain and selfishness against this city kicked in and I began to become discontented in regards to the physical location that I now found myself. I have spent the last month trying to figure out why and I believe that my questions have finally been answered:
Solitude.
In this city, there seems to be no solitude. Sure, there are times that I find myself alone, but never times when I feel really alone. You know, that feeling when you are standing in the middle of the woods at down on a rock, feeling the sun warm your face as it shows itself at the dawn. The feeling of walking down a train with all of the colored leaves of the Wisconsin Fall around you, crunching under your feet. Standing on a hill that looks out over a lake.
In New Orleans, there are no woods. There are no large rocks. There is no Fall. There are no crunching leaves. And there definitely isn't a hill that looks over a lake unless you go to the levees, which are brown and dull looking.
Solitude is where I find beauty. Because solitude is when I commune with God best. It is my respite. Believe it or not, I think I have become more of an introvert since I've been down here. I hear that is what working in a school will do to you.
Either way, there is a deep connection between God, solitude and my ability to see beauty.
But I'm coming to realize that I may have something backwards. Since solitude is so hard to come by now, perhaps I need to redefine beauty, if that is when I commune with God best. Or maybe when I commune with God best, I see beauty more.
I guess I don't have it all figured out yet.
But something tells me that I need to redefine beauty.
Sure, there is something to be said for the typical beauty of the Wisconsin Fall. For the solitude of the trails. For the hills and the trees. It is creation...How do you not find God in that?
But I'm guessing that He wants me to start being a bit more creative like He is... Being a bit more imaginative, if you will.
Plato said in Symposium:
"Remember how in that communion only, beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, he will be enabled to bring forth, not images of beauty, but realities (for he has hold not of an image but of a reality), and bringing forth and nourishing true virtue to become the friend of God and be immortal, if mortal man may."
Or, rather...
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
This past weekend, we (RefugeNOLA.org) and a slew of other partners hosted a block party-type event for Halloween in Central City and were floored by what God did with it. In a neighborhood full of broken homes and broken relationships, teenage parents and rampant drug use, we saw a community come together. The event was just a simple block party that enabled kids in the neighborhood to trick-or-treat with the reassurance of safety, as we organized houses and games, even giving houses candy that couldn't afford to buy it.
We expected to see kids out and about, running around, getting candy, but as 5pm came and went, we got a little worried that they weren't going to come. And then, as the sun slowly went down, they came out...but not just the kids. Their parents, with strollers and trick-or-treat bags in tow, were out with them. Teenage fathers with their kids on their shoulders bobbed for apples.
My favorite story of the night:
A mother was trying to do our reverse bobbing for apples game (reverse bobbing for apples is when you hang an apple from a string and you have to try to bite off the apple in the air). She was having a heck of a time and her kids were all joking with her about it. Her cellphone rang and the typical language that you hear in the neighborhood came out as she described to her friend across the phoneline what she was doing: "I'm trying to get the damn apple off the stick!!" I can only imagine what her friend thought, but I laughed so hard at that, I didn't know what to do with it! Even more, striking, though, was that the mother kept trying and soon, her daughter chided that she could do it better. So teenage daughter gave the apple a go...and still failed. Soon, mother and daughter were attacking the apple together, one on each side, and were, eventually, successful!
It was such a normal thing to see...if you weren't in Central City. It was something my mom and I would do.
I have yet to figure out whether that fact reminds me of my own brokenness or whether it reminds me that these broken relationships still have a way to be redeemed. I'm sure that it's both.
But isn't that the real reality of beauty? Something that reminds us of how small we are, but at the same time, gives us hope?
And so, I am being made to be more creative. I am being made to be more imaginative.
I am being made to be more like Christ--finding the ability to see value and beauty in everything that He has created.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Everywhere Person
Drive-thru Update:
School is in full swing! The kindergartners are settling in nicely, though I still feel rather awkward in my teaching. Though I am still learning boatloads and loving it!
I have started helping to lead worship at Sojourn-Lakeview church and am VERY happy to have music back in my life. Leading worship is one of my favorite things that I have done in life to date, so to have this back is a wonderful gift. On the topic of church, our little church plant has exploded over the last few weeks!! And having come from a church with a lot of great ideas on connecting people and hospitality, I have been given the ability at Lakeview Sojourn to help spearhead this! It is a need and I am very excited to be on the team and helping out!
The non-profit that we are working on starting is getting a bit more shape. I think the legs are starting to form and more people are interested in helping out every week! We are currently working on fixing up a house across the street to turn into intern housing and a sort of community center. If you are in the area and want to help, please let us know!!
Sit-Down Update:
In Madison, it's a widely known fact that everyone has an Everywhere Person, if not more than 1. In college at UW-Madison, one of the things I looked forward to every year was walking to my first week of classes and figuring out who my everywhere people were. Some of them spanned the 5 years I was in school, while others were more short-lived, but there was not a time in Madison that I did not have one. And there is something about them that has always struck something inside of me--something deep and unexplained. I think it made me stop to look at the deeper complexities of life, and to wonder about this person; to think about their life and what was happening to them that made me cross their path the times that I did. Surely, these run-ins were not just coincidence.
When I moved to New Orleans, I thought I had left my everywhere people behind. I thought that a city the size of New Orleans would never allow me the opportunity again of seeing the same red coat or checkered hat again. But on the city bus one day about a month and a half ago, an older man got on the bus. He had puffs of white hair that stuck out under his straw hat with the faded fabric around the brim. His sweat-stained bandana was wrapped around his neck and his tshirt clung to him in the Louisiana heat. His thin, long leg that faced me as he dropped his coins into the ticket dispenser looked as if it had never felt brush of his twin leg. He laughed out loud to himself, revealing a mouth full of missing teeth, as he sat down and pulled out a can of beer in a paper bag. I sat and watched him until he got off the bus, not sure what to do with what I had just seen. I chalked it up to the odd personalities that live in the neighborhood in which I work and went about my day.
But a few days later, he got on my bus again. Same story. Same white puffs of hair. Same long legs. Same beer in a paper bag. Coincidence.
And then I didn't see him again.
Until I was biking home from work the other day and a pickup truck with an old busted refrigerator turned the corner right in front of me and who else was in the back of the truck, holding the refrigerator but the old man. I almost waved, I was so excited.
And then sadness came over me. The reality of my Everywhere Man is that he has probably lived in this city, uneducated, and unable to get out of the cycles of this city, for his entire life. It reminded me of the betrayal that this city leads you into. You are overcome with the history, with the beauty, with the culture of New Orleans when you first visit it. But soon, the true colors come out... Broken relationships. Broken systems. Broken cultures.
And yet, there is so much beauty in the possibilities of redemption for this city...and for the world. The days that I see parents give their kids hugs and show excitement to see them after school...the days that I see affordable decent apartments going into low income neighborhoods...simply, flowers in a pot outside of a house in the hood...lets me know that our God is sovereign and good and will have His way with the people that He loves.
I still feel small here. I still feel like I can't make a bit of difference in the deep, penetrating problems within these lives. But i serve a big God who will bring justice in the end. I serve a God who loves all. And all people have dignity and value because of this. My only role is to live a life that looks more and more like the life that Christ lived, because it is only through that life that Paradise Restored is possible.
Please Pray For:
-An ability to see the glories of God. I am struggling to see beauty in the mess of the world, but I know it is me that is blind to them and not that they are not being revealed to me.
-Stamina to keep trucking forward and to continue to keep God in the forefront of my mind and heart as I try to care for some of the people of this city
-Wisdom as we move forward with various projects
-RefugeNOLA (nonprofit) in Central City with Michael Wong
-We need volunteers and funding to finish off the house we are remodeling for kids in the neighborhood to be
able to hang out at, as well as housing for interns who want to learn more about serving in Central City.
-Sojourn Lakeview Church
-As more of the Lakeview neighborhood returns to New Orleans, our church is growing rapidly. Please pray for
wisdom and and ability to discern what God would be having us do (or not do)
-I am doing better with missing home and people so much, but I still have moments of sorrow (but not regret). I miss everyone and everything still and long to see everyone and to feel the cooler Wisconsin night breezes. (For some reason, my big thing recently is not hearing birds ever.)
-Continued learning about what it means to love sacrificially and to give of myself until there is nothing of myself left.
School is in full swing! The kindergartners are settling in nicely, though I still feel rather awkward in my teaching. Though I am still learning boatloads and loving it!
I have started helping to lead worship at Sojourn-Lakeview church and am VERY happy to have music back in my life. Leading worship is one of my favorite things that I have done in life to date, so to have this back is a wonderful gift. On the topic of church, our little church plant has exploded over the last few weeks!! And having come from a church with a lot of great ideas on connecting people and hospitality, I have been given the ability at Lakeview Sojourn to help spearhead this! It is a need and I am very excited to be on the team and helping out!
The non-profit that we are working on starting is getting a bit more shape. I think the legs are starting to form and more people are interested in helping out every week! We are currently working on fixing up a house across the street to turn into intern housing and a sort of community center. If you are in the area and want to help, please let us know!!
Sit-Down Update:
In Madison, it's a widely known fact that everyone has an Everywhere Person, if not more than 1. In college at UW-Madison, one of the things I looked forward to every year was walking to my first week of classes and figuring out who my everywhere people were. Some of them spanned the 5 years I was in school, while others were more short-lived, but there was not a time in Madison that I did not have one. And there is something about them that has always struck something inside of me--something deep and unexplained. I think it made me stop to look at the deeper complexities of life, and to wonder about this person; to think about their life and what was happening to them that made me cross their path the times that I did. Surely, these run-ins were not just coincidence.
When I moved to New Orleans, I thought I had left my everywhere people behind. I thought that a city the size of New Orleans would never allow me the opportunity again of seeing the same red coat or checkered hat again. But on the city bus one day about a month and a half ago, an older man got on the bus. He had puffs of white hair that stuck out under his straw hat with the faded fabric around the brim. His sweat-stained bandana was wrapped around his neck and his tshirt clung to him in the Louisiana heat. His thin, long leg that faced me as he dropped his coins into the ticket dispenser looked as if it had never felt brush of his twin leg. He laughed out loud to himself, revealing a mouth full of missing teeth, as he sat down and pulled out a can of beer in a paper bag. I sat and watched him until he got off the bus, not sure what to do with what I had just seen. I chalked it up to the odd personalities that live in the neighborhood in which I work and went about my day.
But a few days later, he got on my bus again. Same story. Same white puffs of hair. Same long legs. Same beer in a paper bag. Coincidence.
And then I didn't see him again.
Until I was biking home from work the other day and a pickup truck with an old busted refrigerator turned the corner right in front of me and who else was in the back of the truck, holding the refrigerator but the old man. I almost waved, I was so excited.
And then sadness came over me. The reality of my Everywhere Man is that he has probably lived in this city, uneducated, and unable to get out of the cycles of this city, for his entire life. It reminded me of the betrayal that this city leads you into. You are overcome with the history, with the beauty, with the culture of New Orleans when you first visit it. But soon, the true colors come out... Broken relationships. Broken systems. Broken cultures.
And yet, there is so much beauty in the possibilities of redemption for this city...and for the world. The days that I see parents give their kids hugs and show excitement to see them after school...the days that I see affordable decent apartments going into low income neighborhoods...simply, flowers in a pot outside of a house in the hood...lets me know that our God is sovereign and good and will have His way with the people that He loves.
I still feel small here. I still feel like I can't make a bit of difference in the deep, penetrating problems within these lives. But i serve a big God who will bring justice in the end. I serve a God who loves all. And all people have dignity and value because of this. My only role is to live a life that looks more and more like the life that Christ lived, because it is only through that life that Paradise Restored is possible.
Please Pray For:
-An ability to see the glories of God. I am struggling to see beauty in the mess of the world, but I know it is me that is blind to them and not that they are not being revealed to me.
-Stamina to keep trucking forward and to continue to keep God in the forefront of my mind and heart as I try to care for some of the people of this city
-Wisdom as we move forward with various projects
-RefugeNOLA (nonprofit) in Central City with Michael Wong
-We need volunteers and funding to finish off the house we are remodeling for kids in the neighborhood to be
able to hang out at, as well as housing for interns who want to learn more about serving in Central City.
-Sojourn Lakeview Church
-As more of the Lakeview neighborhood returns to New Orleans, our church is growing rapidly. Please pray for
wisdom and and ability to discern what God would be having us do (or not do)
-I am doing better with missing home and people so much, but I still have moments of sorrow (but not regret). I miss everyone and everything still and long to see everyone and to feel the cooler Wisconsin night breezes. (For some reason, my big thing recently is not hearing birds ever.)
-Continued learning about what it means to love sacrificially and to give of myself until there is nothing of myself left.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Changes Come
Part 1:
I began work on July 20 at a school called ARISE Academy. It's a wonderful school that works in the Bywater/Ninth Ward area. This is the first year it is open (That's right...I'm helping to start a school! How cool is that?!). Our student population is 199 black students and 1 white girl, ranging from Pre-K to 2nd grade. Every year after this year, we will add a grade until we get to 8th grade. I love the team I work on. Everyone is incredibly social justice minded, despite whatever the deeper source of that mindset is. The kids are great and we are implimenting teaching techniques that are proven to work in areas such as these to bring these children up in an atmosphere of scholarly learning. We have a very rigorous curriculum, and though that freaks me out because I do not have a teaching degree, I am co-teaching with a girl about my age who is a first year Teach for America hire (so we are both freaking out a bit right now!)
Please pray for stamina. The days are long and exhausting, but I love that my LIFE has become a ministry. This is why I moved here. I wanted this. I asked for this. And my prayers have been answered. But it means giving up a lot of things for myself (most days I don't even have time to run. Please also pray that I would continue to learn to love sacrificially and to learn more how to love the unloved.
Part 2:
I have been in New Orleans for two and a half months now.
Within that time, I've had no job...one job and then another job.
I've lived in one apartment...and then moved to another.
I've made friends...said goodbye to friends...and made more friends.
I've gained 5 pounds...and then lost 10.
I turned 25.
And in those two and a half months, I have become a new person. Those in Madison would see the difference. Those in New Orleans might. I definitely do. My experiences in New Orleans have forced me to grow, kicking and screaming, and change. I have come to understand the Gospel in a way that never even dawned on me previous to this placement change. I understand so much more brokenness and grace and hope and love. And I am grateful for these lessons, though I am homesick for comfort.
It's amazing how much you take fore granted when you are in the position to have it. Michael and I were driving me home, past all of the dilapidated and condemned homes of Central City and I almost broke into tears. Driving through that neighborhood (and really the whole city in general) I was blindsided by yet another reality:
The people who "have" never quite realize all that they do have, yet the "have nots" can not escape the fact that they don't have. They are constantly reminded by their discomfort. To alleviate that pain, they turn to things that will reduce that pain. They turn to alcohol (bars are open 24 hours a day here), drugs (one of the worst crime issues in this city, robbery (a huge issue in this city), and murder (the news doesn't even report on murders here because the rate of them is the highest in the nation).
Our comfort blinds us. It numbs us. It separates us from the world.
Life down here has made me realize how much I never appreciate what I have. The kids I work with make me realize that I have an education that I didn't work hard enough for. They make me realize that I have a family that loves me and would do anything for me. They make me realize that, during the times that it was important, my life was stable (which, coincidentally is what now gives me the ability to not have stability). For whatever reason, I was given things easy--and I still am. But the blinders are being taken off.
I see the some of the depth of the pain in this city and my heart aches for redemption and for restoration. I was biking to work this morning as the sun was coming up. It was beautiful and peaceful and calm still. The day had not yet started for most and there was a cool breeze. I breathed a sigh of relief. I prayed as I biked for patience to deal with my students and work well on my team and to bring salt and light to the people around me. And then I saw the same homeless man that I see every morning sleeping on a different stoop and cried out for it all to be over. When will that day come when the world will be restored? When will the hurt of people stop? My hands feel so small here.
The dichotomy of it all is that I still ache for my own comforts. I feel so removed. Life goes on in the rest of the world without me. Friends get married. Friends have babies. Nieces have birthdays and so do Dads. The warm nights of summer in Wisconsin pass with the cool breezes and live music and fireflies. All of the things that I miss so much keep spinning on without me.
I feel torn between two selves.
"The biggest lies are the little ones.
Angel or demon? You know that they could share the same bed.
I've laid awake so long, I've got them both inside my head." ~OTR
And yet...
I feel cooler breezes in the afternoons. They say that it starts to cool down in September. Hope and redemption are around the corner. I can feel it coming.
I began work on July 20 at a school called ARISE Academy. It's a wonderful school that works in the Bywater/Ninth Ward area. This is the first year it is open (That's right...I'm helping to start a school! How cool is that?!). Our student population is 199 black students and 1 white girl, ranging from Pre-K to 2nd grade. Every year after this year, we will add a grade until we get to 8th grade. I love the team I work on. Everyone is incredibly social justice minded, despite whatever the deeper source of that mindset is. The kids are great and we are implimenting teaching techniques that are proven to work in areas such as these to bring these children up in an atmosphere of scholarly learning. We have a very rigorous curriculum, and though that freaks me out because I do not have a teaching degree, I am co-teaching with a girl about my age who is a first year Teach for America hire (so we are both freaking out a bit right now!)
Please pray for stamina. The days are long and exhausting, but I love that my LIFE has become a ministry. This is why I moved here. I wanted this. I asked for this. And my prayers have been answered. But it means giving up a lot of things for myself (most days I don't even have time to run. Please also pray that I would continue to learn to love sacrificially and to learn more how to love the unloved.
Part 2:
I have been in New Orleans for two and a half months now.
Within that time, I've had no job...one job and then another job.
I've lived in one apartment...and then moved to another.
I've made friends...said goodbye to friends...and made more friends.
I've gained 5 pounds...and then lost 10.
I turned 25.
And in those two and a half months, I have become a new person. Those in Madison would see the difference. Those in New Orleans might. I definitely do. My experiences in New Orleans have forced me to grow, kicking and screaming, and change. I have come to understand the Gospel in a way that never even dawned on me previous to this placement change. I understand so much more brokenness and grace and hope and love. And I am grateful for these lessons, though I am homesick for comfort.
It's amazing how much you take fore granted when you are in the position to have it. Michael and I were driving me home, past all of the dilapidated and condemned homes of Central City and I almost broke into tears. Driving through that neighborhood (and really the whole city in general) I was blindsided by yet another reality:
The people who "have" never quite realize all that they do have, yet the "have nots" can not escape the fact that they don't have. They are constantly reminded by their discomfort. To alleviate that pain, they turn to things that will reduce that pain. They turn to alcohol (bars are open 24 hours a day here), drugs (one of the worst crime issues in this city, robbery (a huge issue in this city), and murder (the news doesn't even report on murders here because the rate of them is the highest in the nation).
Our comfort blinds us. It numbs us. It separates us from the world.
Life down here has made me realize how much I never appreciate what I have. The kids I work with make me realize that I have an education that I didn't work hard enough for. They make me realize that I have a family that loves me and would do anything for me. They make me realize that, during the times that it was important, my life was stable (which, coincidentally is what now gives me the ability to not have stability). For whatever reason, I was given things easy--and I still am. But the blinders are being taken off.
I see the some of the depth of the pain in this city and my heart aches for redemption and for restoration. I was biking to work this morning as the sun was coming up. It was beautiful and peaceful and calm still. The day had not yet started for most and there was a cool breeze. I breathed a sigh of relief. I prayed as I biked for patience to deal with my students and work well on my team and to bring salt and light to the people around me. And then I saw the same homeless man that I see every morning sleeping on a different stoop and cried out for it all to be over. When will that day come when the world will be restored? When will the hurt of people stop? My hands feel so small here.
The dichotomy of it all is that I still ache for my own comforts. I feel so removed. Life goes on in the rest of the world without me. Friends get married. Friends have babies. Nieces have birthdays and so do Dads. The warm nights of summer in Wisconsin pass with the cool breezes and live music and fireflies. All of the things that I miss so much keep spinning on without me.
I feel torn between two selves.
"The biggest lies are the little ones.
Angel or demon? You know that they could share the same bed.
I've laid awake so long, I've got them both inside my head." ~OTR
And yet...
I feel cooler breezes in the afternoons. They say that it starts to cool down in September. Hope and redemption are around the corner. I can feel it coming.
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