Brewers, beer, burgers, and boys

I had the day off today and I was so glad to have it.  I woke up, cleaned the part of the house I was responsible for, got ready, ran some errands, came home and worked on some writing stuff for a while and then rested for a bit.  After that, Pete, Dave, and Grant came over for some burgers, beer and Brewers.  Dave was going to help me transfer some stuff onto my new computer, but just like always, we failed to get it done.   While the day was very productive, I feel like it was a slightly wasted day.  Which is interesting because on Monday, after I got off work, I literally sat around and read for 8 hours before going for a run and then to a bbq with my friend Brent.  Oddly enough, that day felt like I accomplished more than I did today.  I'm not really sure what the deal is with that.  But either way, today was a nice respite from the emotion that has been taking me over the last week.  

I think a couple of things popped into my head today as I was running around trying to avoid my thoughts, though.  When I signed up for this whole believing in God thing and giving my life up to what He's doing, I signed up for everything: the good the bad and especially the things I don't understand.  But it seems that when push comes to shove, the things that I don't understand are a little more difficult to figure out than what I expected.  And when I say 'figure out,' I don't really mean understand, but more simply (or with more difficulty) I mean trying to discover a means to continue on in the world knowing what you know now;  To adjust and to adapt to the knowledge that increases with each thing that is pulled into question.  And the more interesting thing is that the knowledge isn't necessarily bad knowledge, but very often, an understanding about something good.  How do you reconcile the world, which makes me sick sometimes, to the knowledge that you gain?

How do you come to a place where it's ok to see the good in a horrible situation?  It's innate to not allow yourself to do that.

The other thing that I was thinking on today was pretty selfish compared to the other thing, so I don't really think i'll think about it again right now.  Perhaps tomorrow when I'm not so crazy-brained, I will allow myself to think more about it.