It is interesting to think about how much this house became a home to me this year. But I guess the catchy phrase is that home is where the heart is, and if that's the case, then home is coming with me as I move out of this house next week. Although, I really think that phrase is bull because there's also the phrase "if walls could talk." So really, I guess it's how you choose to see it. I've grown a lot this past year and learned a lot about me, the world and the people by which I am surrounded. But more importantly, I've never grown more than this year in my pursuit of God.
And this can be demonstrated yet again in something that I learn again and again and again:
Two dear friends of mine lost their father 2.5 weeks ago to suicide. This rocked me more than I really would have expected it to. I had never met their father in person, so there was seemingly no reason why it should have affected me as much as it did. My emotion in the situation really came down to 3 things, I think. First of all, as much as I am not experiencing their pain, it was painful to watch such good friends go through this and ask questions that no one should have to ask and to deal with things that no one should ever have to deal with. My heart breaks every time I think about the ramifications that they have faced and that they will continue to face because of this. Second, I believe there was a projection of myself into the situation. The big question of what will happen when my own father dies has been plaguing pretty severely for some time now and I think this hit a little close to home. Lastly, I realized recently that not only am I mourning for my friend's father. But I am mourning for my friends...because I really am not sure that either of them will ever be the same after this. A bit of who they were quite possibly died with their father. This is not to say that they will not be good people, but rather, this is something that will rock them and change them and I loved both of them so much as they were, so it is accurate to say that I am mourning the loss of who they were.
There was also the big question of suicide victims that went through my head. Their father was a believer and that is huge comfort to both of them, and now to me, but at first, honestly, I had some doubts about what happens when someone who commits suicide is a believer. How is that reconciled? And the answer that I got was absolutely the most incredible thing I have ever logically known.
I had to literally sit down and work through this like a philosophical proof (If .... then.... And if that...then....). Let me give you a little hint of this process:
I looked up suicide in my concordance, only to realize that there were only 5 mentions of suicide in the Bible and none of them contained any pertinent information for me. Well, this stumped me. If the Bible didn't say anything about it, how the crap was I supposed to answer these questions?
So then I started digging deeper and looking at it from a different angle:
Thought: The Old Testament would say that suicide is murder...self murder.
Conclusion: Suicide is a moral sin because it is murder and we are commanded against that.
Ok. Well, maybe the memory I have from Sunday school when I was little that suicides don't get to go to heaven was true? Oh. Stay tuned if this resonates with you because you're about to get your socks rocked off.
Thought: Well, even murderers in prison turn their lives around and come to know Jesus and accept His grace.
Conclusion: But they get the chance to repent that suicides don't get.
Thought: But Christ died once for all, for past, present and future sin. Scripture speaks of this death as our salvation in regards to the past, present and future.
Conclusion: By accepting Christ once as our true Saviour, ALL of our sin (past, present and future) is covered by that. Romans talks of nothing being able to separate us from the love that is found in Jesus.
So with that logical, very well thought out array of proofs, the rediscovery that Grace covers all of this shone through. Their father is very much with Jesus now, despite his choice to leave life early. Suicide doesn't change salvation. It merely expedited the process. Sure, I believe there are consequences for this. The things that their father could have done on Earth for the sake of God's kingdom here are altered. But to say that he is not with Jesus now is to say that what Jesus did on the cross was not sufficient.
And that, my friends, is the one of the most joyous discoveries I have ever obtained. (Heidi said my eyes were flying around the room while working on this one!)
And so, despite the tragedy that has happened, there is hope. And more importantly, there is grace.
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