Peanut Butter Puffins

This is the first time that I've woken up and wanted to write for a while. Usually, the inclination to do so hits me a while into the day and by that time, it's too busy to do anything about it until late at night (and then I usually get sucked into an episode of Grey's. (Thank God that's over since I got through all of the seasons now and don't have any more to watch. I could really care less about this season. I just wanted the immediate satisfaction of knowing what came next.)
Sarah and Ken are getting married this weekend out in New Glarus and it's the last one that I am going to for the year. I have a break until May when they start up again, but I don't think I'll have a summer as nearly as packed as this one was. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friends that were married this summer/fall and I'm so excited for them, but I'm just emotionally checked out. I simply can't handle any more. The amount of thinking that comes with each of them is just too much and, let's face it, emotional drainage. I'm not anywhere near being ready for any such commitment like that and to watch it makes me freak out a little more every time. But I am beginning to realize that that is good. I should be scared. It means I value what it is. It means that if I ever do stand up in front of all of my friends and family in a white dress and say vows to someone, I will do whatever it takes to be committed to that person. In fact, I am glad for this summer. I am glad that I am understanding the depth and solemnness of those vows. I am sure I will understand them more and be less terrified when I am actually looking at the person I will do that with, but for now, it's an ambiguous, amorphic concept.
And I'm ok with that. I would not be learning the things that I am learning -- I would not be doing the things that I am doing -- if that were the case.
I am glad to be where I am. And I am glad my friends are where they are. That they can go before me and show me the way. That I can watch and learn.
It's a beautiful thing.

I have the morning off and then I have to go into TJ's tonight. I always dread Thursday nights. I would so much rather work the mornings, but for now, this is how it has to be until I can work up the guts to talk to my boss and ask him for Thursday nights back. We'll see if I ever get the courage to do that.
After that, it's a shift tomorrow morning and then off to New Glarus for the rehearsal. At least it'll be a beautiful fall weekend and I can get out of Madison to enjoy some of it!