Waking up too early...

Thanks to the prequel to one of my favorite blogs, Waking Up Too Late, I couldn't fall asleep until about 3:30am-ish and I blame Andy entirely for it!
Really, I just have a hard time falling asleep regardless. It is hard for me to get into bed and slow down enough after the days that I've had for the last few months in order to fall asleep. But oh when it happens, it is glorious time.
Lately, though, even when I can fall asleep, it's not been very good productive sleep. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm a little worried about it.
Lying in bed, though, after having read 3.5 year's worth of blog entries (I know..) my mind just started darting from worry to worry to worry. In an effort to get them out of my head, I grabbed a pen and paper and just started writing them down without even turning on a light, which made for some pretty interesting interpretations of what I actually wrote. Upon review, some of the worries were legitimate worries and some of them were simply outlandish and ridiculous.
In the process or writing them down, I actually wrote down that I was worrying about the fact that I thought I might be going crazy because I was writing things down in the dark and probably wouldn't remember doing it in the morning. But then there were those real worries...the ones about my fear that I am losing my quirkiness and creativity. The ones about the world and countries that I really don't know enough about to worry accurately about. My generation of 20-somethings who have all the potential in the world and are at risk for falling into complacency. I worried about that I'll never think as hard as I did in college about the world and never laugh as hard. I worried about the fact that it's getting colder and so many people were out on the street last night.
I mean, we're talking in a matter of minutes, all of these things flew through my head and I got so jittery that I had to get out of bed because I couldn't lie still.

This is what Matt was talking to me about last week. This is where I have to learn to live more lightly and to take things less internally. I can't solve all of these worries. I can only worry about so many things without actually going insane. And I definitely don't want to live like that. I mean, I want a realistic view, but when it's a detriment to my sleeping patterns, I draw the line. This is where the rational needs to kick in and I need to just roll with the punches, so to speak. And this is simply where I need to be silly again. Silliness, I'll say it time and again, is something I crave but it comes full circle because my silliness was powered off of my creativity and, like I said, something of that feels like it's leaving me.

Overanalyzing. It is the the thing that will diminish the most of who I am...but innately, I am an analyzer.

So. I am back to square one.

New rules for life:
1. Live lightly. Things on my scale that are often a 7 or an 8 are usually a 2 or a 3 on another person's scale.
2. Laugh more. Choose joy.
3. Watch more ducks. (Crap. They all went south.)
3b. Watch the video that I made about ducks sophomore year until spring.
4. No more coffee after 4pm.
5. Create sentences that make no sense.
6. Re-learn the washboard.