A Decision and a Doubt

Mom and Dad, If you are reading this, stop now...


Last week, I made the final decision (99% sure) that I will be moving to New Orleans this summer. Depending on if I get the teaching fellowship that I want, I will either leave in June or in August.
You may be thinking, "What?? Where did this come from?" But the reality is, I have been thinking about it for a while. It was on the top of my list for Teach for America (which I didn't get) and as I began to plan the trip in March for CAM more, my heart just kind of broke for this city. I was down there last March and saw first hand that it is a city that is in dire straights and just needs people down there pouring into it. And specifically the neighborhood that we worked in, and will be working in, Central City. New Orleans is now considered the most crime-ridden city in the U.S. and Central City is the considered the most dangerous neighborhood in that city. But, having some friends down there, and a heart for it and a knowledge that the Kingdom of God is in our hearts and the way that it comes is by people going into the world to bring it. As hearts accept Christ, the Kingdom spreads. Redemption is possible.
So I was flying pretty high there for a while on that decision.

And then I started to think about what this actually means. I started to think selfishly about saying goodbye to my family and my friends and moving 18 hours away from anything I have ever known. I thought about leaving the changes in seasons that I love so much for a humid climate. And I thought about my personal safety. Here is an article that I stumbled across while reading some of the news down there today:

http://www.wdsu.com/news/18455053/detail.html

How in the world is this even possible? How could someone slit the throat of their child to get out of paying child support??? I read about shooting after shooting. And I am terrified. I am a girl. I am from a small town. What chance do I have??
And yet, if I don't go, I will be missing out on what I feel that God has called me to. I have always known that I would never live a normal life. I will never have nice cars and that big house in suburbia. I would hate that.
But I also never expected to be here.

But I guess this is where we separate the boys from the men, so to speak. Am I willing to put everything on the line for what I believe in? Am I willing to put my money where my mouth is and love people, even if it kills me? I want to know that I would and will. God has blessed me (or cursed me...I supposed depending on how you look at it) with a willing heart. And it is going to take me into the most challenging situation I could possibly imagine.

And yet, I know it will be a beautiful experience that will teach me how to trust and love God more.


So. 6 months...