Today wasn't one of my better days. I was tired from not really having slept because I was distraught over a situation. And the worry over the situation carried into today. It was one of those days where I wore a hoody and kept up the hood for the first 4 hours of the day. I just wanted to burrow and crawl into my place, but luckily I didn't. So the work that I've been putting into pushing throw my emotions that usually cause me to shut down is paying off a little. Which is good. It has not been easy. I just am just a really deep feeler, and that's just fine, but I need to function in the world still.
Anyway, I made it through coffee break and a 3 hour meeting with Becca and Kate to talk about the next couple of weeks and what needs to get done...and to tear a book apart that we all are not liking, but are reading together as staff. Got quite a bit done for the New Orleans trip...and then headed off to tutoring, really really tired and definitely not feeling like being there. Emotion shown through, as it always does...and then turned up a little when I found out my sister was in labor with my new little niece. (# freakin 9 on the niece/nephew front).
But the reality of coming back to tutoring and the fact that I still have no idea what I'm doing sunk in to real ramifications because I turned in my application for Teach For America on Saturday. YAY! But cripes. What am I thinking? And yet. I've never wanted to do anything more. It comes from a deep spot in me, which sounds horribly corny. It's the same spot that gives me excitement when I talk about Local Impact stuff and getting college students excited about the idea of serving in their community. Same spot. Different things. Well...not really?
Anyway, so tutoring..
I ran a girl down the road to a meeting she needed to be at and when I got back, everyone was eating dinner in the other room. But Jasmine, the 5 year old daughter of the woman who cooks our dinners for the program, was eating Tuna Helper by herself at the table. So I sat down next to her and started asking her about her Christmas. She humored me for a little while but then stopped and looked at me.
Then she said "Your skin looks like white chocolate." (Jasmine is, although a handful at times--what 5 year old isn't?--, a beautiful little black girl.)
I smiled and asked, "Is that ok?"
She stopped for a little minute...long enough for me to wonder what her answer would be. Then she said, "Yeeeeah...."
She went back to eating her dinner and I looked down at the table, taking in the beauty of the situation that had just occurred and how much it had just come directly out of some sort of ridiculous inspiring movie about the success of integration.
And then, while still looking down at her plate and eating, she said these little words of wisdom:
"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
I had a hard time containing the laugh. It was adorable. And then the reality of what she had said set in. Here she was. A 5 year old girl with incredibly more wisdom that the 24 year old sitting in front of her.
If that doesn't humble you, I don't know what will...
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