Alright.
If this is how it's going to be for the next 6 months, I am going to be an emotional wreck in about 2 more weeks...
Still more affirmation that I should be moving. It just keeps coming. Cool.
Realizing more and more what I'm leaving and the situation I'll be putting myself in:
t.e.r.r.i.f.y.i.n.g.
My friends up here are amazing.
My family is amazing.
I could get a job in a non-profit and I'm sure be fat and happy.
But I couldn't.
The risk involved is great. I'm pretty sure I will wake up at least 3 days out of a week wondering why I made the decision. I have no idea what I'm doing as far as teaching is concerned. I am throwing myself into the rhetorical snake pit here. What chance do I have to make it out alive when there are snakes with fangs dripping with venom all around me?
Ok...maybe a little dramatic.
I think I am just overwhelmed by everything at the moment. A lot is going on right now. A lot is moving really fast. What is weird is that, usually, I'm the one who dives in head first without looking back. But this time, I am nauseated when I look forward and nauseated when I look back.
Pastor Chris gave a sermon about Hannah and 1 Samuel on Sunday. At first, I didn't get it. I sat through the sermon. I went the rest of Sunday evening and through Monday night pondering what made Hannah so great. Sure, she gave up a son. So what? Plenty of mothers did it throughout Biblical history. So why was Hannah so special?
And then it dawned on me. Hannah was special because having a child was who she was. Samuel was her life. And she gave it to God. With high amounts of pain, I'm sure, but she did it willingly. She gave up who she was for the sake of the Kingdom. And from her willing heart, Samuel grew up, anointed King David, from which came the lineage that lead to Jesus.
No small feat... And apparently that is what God does with a willing heart.
So the question remains:
Am I willing to give up myself and who I am? Am I willing to stick my money where my mouth is?
Good gosh, I hope so.
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1 comments:
Okay so I do not know what all that religious stuff means but I do know from my own life that the best decisions I have made in my life made me feel sick to my stomach. Yes it is scary but totally worth the turning in your tummy. If I had not done the things in my life that made my stomach turn I would not live in Madison, I would not have met my amazing husband and we would not have a beautiful daughter together.
Some of the best things in my life have come with the tense feeling. I think it was my bodies way of saying DO IT!!!
I feel you know yourself and know that if you do not go you will always wonder what could have been. You know?? I say do it. Family and friends will wait as I am sure you know. Leaving the familiar is always hard but you will fight through that and meet new people that need your help.
Good luck!
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