Alright.
If this is how it's going to be for the next 6 months, I am going to be an emotional wreck in about 2 more weeks...
Still more affirmation that I should be moving. It just keeps coming. Cool.
Realizing more and more what I'm leaving and the situation I'll be putting myself in:
t.e.r.r.i.f.y.i.n.g.
My friends up here are amazing.
My family is amazing.
I could get a job in a non-profit and I'm sure be fat and happy.
But I couldn't.
The risk involved is great. I'm pretty sure I will wake up at least 3 days out of a week wondering why I made the decision. I have no idea what I'm doing as far as teaching is concerned. I am throwing myself into the rhetorical snake pit here. What chance do I have to make it out alive when there are snakes with fangs dripping with venom all around me?
Ok...maybe a little dramatic.
I think I am just overwhelmed by everything at the moment. A lot is going on right now. A lot is moving really fast. What is weird is that, usually, I'm the one who dives in head first without looking back. But this time, I am nauseated when I look forward and nauseated when I look back.
Pastor Chris gave a sermon about Hannah and 1 Samuel on Sunday. At first, I didn't get it. I sat through the sermon. I went the rest of Sunday evening and through Monday night pondering what made Hannah so great. Sure, she gave up a son. So what? Plenty of mothers did it throughout Biblical history. So why was Hannah so special?
And then it dawned on me. Hannah was special because having a child was who she was. Samuel was her life. And she gave it to God. With high amounts of pain, I'm sure, but she did it willingly. She gave up who she was for the sake of the Kingdom. And from her willing heart, Samuel grew up, anointed King David, from which came the lineage that lead to Jesus.
No small feat... And apparently that is what God does with a willing heart.
So the question remains:
Am I willing to give up myself and who I am? Am I willing to stick my money where my mouth is?
Good gosh, I hope so.
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