I have been out for almost a full year. Crazy... When I reflect on the last year and all that it has contained, I feel a cringe and a smile all in one. I wonder what that face would actually look like... Probably a little bit creepy...
I think I'm starting to come to the conclusion, though, that no one really knows what they absolutely want to do. And I have a theory why that is the case.
I have come to realize that I have been created to be multifaceted. I kind of remind myself of the Magic Bullet from those late night infomercials that I used to watch when I still had cable. One piece of equipment but bounding in possibility as to what it can do. Except I've heard that those aren't actually all that great. I think the metaphor might still work though. I am recently realizing more and more that while, yes, I have been created in one way, there are many layers beyond that, and many layers beyond that of who I am and the capabilities of my energies, and therefore, my life.
The question is, what do I do with that?
Do I continue on this path to PA school and serve people, providing for them physically in order to build faith?
Do I continue on this path to vocational ministry, providing love and guidance for people spiritually?
Do I continue on this path of (poorly) expressing my thoughts in print, providing people with my ranty, externally processed bits on life and all that it contains that they can possibly relate to?
I go through phases of liking certain aspects about myself, making the decision that much more difficult. Currently, I love that I have been created with a creative heart and that I see the world in metaphors. Last month, I loved that I had been created with a heart for service.
I can see how they could all tie together. Maybe? It's slightly below the surface of the glassy water mirrored back at me, reflecting just enough to disable me from seeing the answer underneath.
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